Misfortune in the Celestial Hall

So we all know what happens when the superiors take leave - things go slower, perhaps for the better; there's no one to report to and get feedback from; the employees' workload doubles.

I wonder what will happen if the same situation takes place in the divine realms of heaven............

It's just like any other day for Dong. He's just returned from his regular patrols around the farm. After all, he's been under strict orders not to let those pesky environmentalists in lest videos of 'inhumane treatment' gets published.

Some days he'd think back and reminisce the days where he'd sit on the rocking chair, looking out into the backyard where the chickens would run around head bobbing and all. Yes he is a convert of what we call intensive farming, a process that has turned his farm into a factory, fronted by chickens that develop their muscles rapidly through genetic selection and jabs from chemicals with names you need to be a literature graduate to pronounce.

At least he's feeding the family well, he thought. That was until a freak accident caused him to get himself injected with the same growth chemical. 2 weeks later he died from extreme muscle growth around the neck that constricted his airway.

His misfortunes didn't end there though...

Dong woke up to the sight of a long tunnel with a strange light at the other end. "This must be it," he thought as he walked towards the tunnel.

To his surprise, the tunnel was equipped with a travelator, how convenient! Along the way the radio on the walls explained to Dong about the upgrades that the PRA (Punishments and Reincarnations Authority) has undergone. The place sure looks much different from the last time he visited (His mother dragged him out of his dreams and begged him to burn him a HDTV after showing him that all the other tai-tais in heaven had one).

So he went through with the usual process, looked into his past and present life, walked through the 10 chambers of hell and eventually reached the judgement hall.

"For what you have done to thousands of innocent little lives, I have decided that in your next life, you shall be reborn as a duck!"

"EEEEEE" (being a duck 做鸭 also refers to being a giggolo in the Chinese context)

Of course, he had no say since the judge had already disappeared off to the skies above the Pacific for his well deserved holiday, and it doesn't help that the gaurds had him at spearpoint.

So off he went to the reincarnation bridge. Dong took a sip of the soup and jumped into the portal hoping not to end up on a dinner table.

Isn't he lucky... Dong's reincarnation got selected to become a delicacy in the Philippines, Balut. This dish requires the cooking of a fertilized duck egg that has been incubated for 17 days.

Passing through the portal, Dong found himself falling several feet... and landed right at the entrance of the tunnel with a strange light at the other end yet again.

It didn't help a single bit that no one knew why he came back that soon; everyone just rushed him off to the judgement hall where another judge told him to just head to the portal.

"lets see your past life..."
"but i have no past life! i dropped here immediately after the portal!"
"wait... how did you know about the portal? GAURDS!"

Dong was locked up in the torture chamber filled with celestial poo for a week, during which Meng Po's soup acted up and Dong forgot everything.

With no where to go, no clearance for the portal and not even a single clue of what is going on. Dong has been spending the rest of his spiritual days at the Cafe of Restless Souls.

A decade has passed, Dong is still alone at the cafe until one dirty looking man walked in.

"nice to see someone pass by once in a long while... What's up with you?"
"judge sentenced me to reincarnate as a blade of grass for 1000 times."
"that's harsh..."
"and to make matters worst, I spawn a meter away from my old place."
"what's so bad about that?"
"there's a cow grazing around"

So the two of them sat by the al fresco area drinking their never ending cup of kopi-o, until one day when the grass decides to finish his remaining 888 reincarnations at least...

Skully - TFCD Model For Hire

Oh the times when you would really appreciate a CPL filter around haha!

The Placebo Effect In the Camera World

I have finally recovered from the four days of work at the recent Suntec IT show 2009. Not that I got physically ill of any sorts, but it does take a day or 2 of resting to get back to normal after 4 days of standing and sleep shortage.

Unlike previous shows, I have been assigned to the DSLR counter of the SONY booth. It wasn't hard for me to accept this despite the fact that my expertise lies with the video camera section. After all, I have been using the SONY Alpha DSLRs for at least a year now and I have to say I love every bit of it.

While I can proudly say that I know stuff about the Alpha lineup, I find it sad to see that there are many blind sheep out there that hasn't a clue about the Minolta legacy. These blind sheep choose to be led by their popular brand loyalist friends and create the vicious cycle of branding. Some of them even get so ridiculously warped that they walk up to the counter and does something like this!

There was this guy who came to the counter and started fiddling with an entry level DSLR. He started smirking and said "as expected..."

I got curious and asked about it... guess what he said? "feels plastic"... 

DUDE IT IS PLASTIC! IF PLASTIC DOESN'T FEEL PLASTIC WHAT IS PLASTIC?

Of course, the customer is always right and I'll have to explain to him that you cannot expect a metal feel on a plastic body.

There are other instances, such as a customer who told me he thought that we had to mount our lenses by screwing in 3 rounds... All these 'knowledge' were 'imparted' from their 'photographer' friends... How smart...

Of course, there are many things about the photography world which I still have to learn of... But at least I can tell everyone out there that if you haven't read up about the Konica Minolta legacy... Do so... Don't make a fool of yourself the next time you come across and Alpha user.

FYI: The Konica Minolta legacy in photography is being carried on by SONY. Yes we are related...

The Single's Guide to Going Out With Friends

Listen very carefully, I shall say this only wence (reference to alo alo TV series)

School is over, there's no more need for studying... HURRAY!

Off you go to clear that backlog of sleep, complete that game or story that you've put on hold, or even visit that friend you've lost touch with.

Very soon, you realise that there really isn't much to do except to lay around and decompose as you wait for National Service (it is compulsory for male Singapore citizens).

What can you do then? My favourtie advice is to go out with your friends. Arrange a gathering of sorts. It can be with anyone and everyone. Over the last 2 weeks I've had chalets with my outside group of brothers and schoolmates separately, met up with secondary school classmates at East Coast Park, and even celebrated Mubarak's birthday!

Here're some tips to ensure that your outings are enjoyable:

1. If you're going out with couples, get someone to keep you company, no one likes a third wheel, or being a third wheel. So lets just save each other the trouble and get yourself occupied.

2. check the agenda, make sure nothing's going to piss anyone off. Try to get activities that involve as many people as possible. It's not fun to look at others having fun! haha!

3. Learn to back out. Some activities are simply not meant for you, they're asking you out just for the sake of courtesy, REJECT!

4. You already know who you're closer to and vice versa, no point making new friends when you know that the impression won't be strong. Kinda makes it awkward too!

Random ranting from le Bruce himself!

Cheers!

OH YEAH! I MIGHT BE FLYING OFF TO BANGKOK AND THEN TRAVEL DOWN TO HAT CHAI> PENANG > KL! WOOTS!

Twisted Tales: Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty saw the great wall,
Humpty Dumpty thought 'buddha jump over the wall'.
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall and fall,
Humpty Dumpty fell again and knock himself against the wall.

the end

Wei Choon said that it was never stated what Humpty Dumpty was.
People just assumed that he was an egg.

If not an egg, then what?
Wei Choon said a medieval cannonball.
I thought of nuclear warhead... But that would mean Humpty has killed all the king's horses and all the king's men... oh well!

Golden Mile

Golden Mile Food Center 1
Originally uploaded by mysilentkaopei

It was valentine's day and as usual, I didn't have a valentine.
It was nice enough that the gang decided to meet up and head over to Golden Mile since Mubarak needed to stock up on his army equipment and buy some gadgets (fire retardant gloves and a cool compass thing).

But anyways, Golden mile is a pretty nice place to go for good food and to catch up with the slow times =)

Valentine's Dei~

Candlelit Dinner 2
Originally uploaded by mysilentkaopei

What is Valentine's Day?

I prefer to see it as this:
"Valentine's day is a bonus stage in the game of love, and the boss stage in the game of no love"

I'm going to fight darth maul soon, but never mind me. Let's talk about the one sacred day.

So what goes on during this day? Flowers, Chocolates, Cakes... and on the extreme opposite we have slaps, curses, or worst yet a rape-cum-murder case. The list goes on.

Ok I'm typing this with a backlog of sleep to clear so it'll prolly make no sense... How bout talking bout me then?

Why don't I have a valentine? Simple, I'm not in a relationship. Sure, I can act macho and say that I don't need relationships to sustain my life, but we all know that's not the case. So why don't I go find myself a girlfriend?

Truth is, I don't dare to. Growing up with a limited circle of true friends, I have that fear of losing the close friends that I have. That's what's holding me back in any relationship. I'm simply afraid that the rejection will end in an uglier result - the two of us drifting further apart.

Call me humji (ball-less coward), but I just can't get out of that comfort zone to venture into the 'confession'.

Happy valentine's day to you!